Get Your House in Order:Trust Issues
"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in princes,"
|I framed Abby's doodling #loveit|
My life verse is "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 If I had to sum up my year of 2015 I would say that this verse, was tested, tried and turned into the greatest blessing!
Trust. The foundation of any relationship. Trust by definition means "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something." Trust is that has come relatively easy for me, but that's not always been such a good trait. Once I gave my life to Christ (truly made him my Lord at age 25), trust began to take on a whole different meaning. It no longer meant that "anything goes". There were truths that had to line up before I just jumped right into something. These truths are the Word of God. The absolute truth, nothing relative about it.
This year has been ALL about trust. Trust in the Lord. And that is it. Trust in the Lord. In His strength and mercy. I set out to see if I could post a verse and whatever He wanted to say every day. Had I not made that promise to myself and more importantly, to Him, I would have quit. I wanted to quit, that's the easy way. I told Abby one weary night in October that I was done. She looked heartbroken and said "you CANNOT quit, you are NOT going to, Mommy." Exactly what I would have said to her in the same situation. I pulled out my laptop and started typing.
I have had writer's block or fear like I have never known before. Because I trust Him, I obey Him. Even when I don't understand. And there's so much I don't understand about this year. I thought the "Get your house in order was gonna be a boot camp for organizing...haha...doesn't God know how direct our paths? That happened (somewhat), alongside the biggest boot camp of Trusting Jesus with all my heart I have ever, ever seen! At times I felt like the Lord had brought to attention all my trust issues, and then another situation would pop up.
Let me say with the trials of the year there has been purpose and refinement and there has been victory after victory! I just always feel like it is important to keep it real and never want glaze over the realities of life on earth for the sake of a perfect blog picture and white picket fence story. Perhaps for me it is just easier to not write at all or to keep it short, when there is pain in my life. Otherwise I pour out my heart. But that is how I write and it is how I heal. Isn't it crazy how many of us walk with the Lord, go to church and suffer in silence because we don't feel like we can share our hearts? Not to the free world but to fellow warriors who will pray and not judge, listen and not criticize, both cry and laugh with you, tell you the truth not what you want to hear but need to and follow up down the road with "how are things?"
After experiencing Mom's life threatening lung issue this year( of which the Lord completely, totally healed her), I made the decision to make some major changes. I started to question any and all trust in people, place and things, for the first time that I can ever remember. And it has continued all year, until now. But in February,
I decided to step back. To evaluate my relationships and my time management. I stopped making so many phone calls. I stopped sending texts. I stopped getting on Facebook. I got quiet.
I sat, once again, at the feet of Jesus.
Trusting Him for solutions to issues way bigger than me.
In March through July,
What I thought would be the best time of my life ended up being a season of turmoil, strife and grief. It may have looked as if our selling and buying a home went smoothly (likely not) but it all but took me under with a wave of depression. I continued to sit at His feet. Asking for His manna daily. Going what seemed a hundred miles an hour, staying busy, but sitting, praying, studying, talking to Him, bowed down to the only One who could rescue me, as if he were my only friend. That is the way it's supposed to be anyway. The grief of finding and losing a house I loved, the kids being in transition during their summer and the worry of not finding another house before school started led me to Jesus all throughout the day. The reality set in that my obedience to Him was the hope that kept me from falling. From quitting. My relationship with Him is everything to me. Everything. Trusting His plans more than mine. Trusting His words more than the words and actions those of others. Trusting that He would restore my soul. And He is.
So hear my heart, yes I have struggled, but the light at the end of the tunnel is..I trust Him more.
Day#361 I trust You, Lord