Get Your House in Order: Check-up

Checking up has been an important part of  this journey of order and lists and small changes, but this week I decided to do something a little different. That is part of this year's journey as well..doing things different to get different results. I opened up my Caringbridge journals from 2009, as I often do, just to keep my perspective on God instead of my "to do" list. I wanted to share it with you, it is from Easter 2009...

"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will acknowledge him before my Father in heaven." Matthew 10:32
I take this verse to the depths of my heart as I write today, acknowledging My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to be the Healer, Deliverer, Magnificant, Mighty, King, Prince of Peace, lifter of my head, Sovereign, Omnipotent, God. I can't even fathom where I would be right now without Him. Glory to Him as He continues to amaze me through my storm. I honestly have not even had the energy or focus to sit down in front of this computer long enough to write. I have been very still. And still, at the feet of Jesus, motionless yet I feel like I am way out to sea on the rocky waves of nausea! I did have a temporary break at the beginning of the week. After telling my oncologist of the intensity of the third treatment, she decided to lower my dose, my last dose of the red devil forever and ever amen! I couldn't have named it better myself and am glad to part ways as the Lord always means good, what the "devil" means to harm. I spent the week with Mom, safely tucked in a quiet house and catered to as a child. It felt good to clear my mind of all the many responsibilities and concentrate on healing. Matthew 10:27 was my verse for the day in Streams "What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs." For those of you who know me well, I love to tell what the Lord whispers in my ear or shows me during the day. Now, if I end up on the roof, you may need to get Jeff to check my medication...ha, no, my heart is for you to see Him in every detail of your life. In these dark, hard places, I can hear the whisper of Him instead of the chaos of my next task on a to do list. In this season of infirmity I feel like I have "walked through the valley of the SHADOW of death" and have feared no evil for thy rod and staff, they comfort me (Psalm 23). on the flip side, I have experienced being in the SHADOW of the Lord, protected and secure. Preserved for His purposes and to acknowledge how very much He loves and cares for me. He loves and cares for you the same.
I begin a new series of treatment on April 21st, Taxol and Herceptin. I was told it would be a long day due to the slow process of observing how my body will react to each druDag. Most likely, I will sleep through most of it. I am scheduled for twelve treatments weekly. So three months then I will have completed chemotherapy. Something was different about Tuesday's treatment, I know the drill now, they call you back, get your weight, ask if you have been hospitalized since your last treatment (yea, that's hard to hear the first time, apparently it's normal, so praise God for NO hospitalizations!), spray your port site with "freezer" spray and poke the needle in, and then you go back out to the waiting room with tubes hanging out of your shirt!Lovely. When you are called back a second time, you go and find your "chair." While I was sitting in the chair, my mind began to repeat, "I cannot believe I am here, what am I doing here, how did I get here, it's only been two months and my body is so weak and weary, how, how....then just as fast as it came over me, those thoughts turned to thank you Jesus, I am here, I am forever changed, you are strong while I am weak, I have so much to do, thank you for my family, my precious family you have entrusted to me and me to them. I walked back out to that waiting room, with my tubes, not making a fashion statement, but ready to get on with that last treatment. I believe God smiled and allowed me to get a lower dose! I think it's so important to give you descriptions of what really happens. I had no idea, believe me, you cannot escape the fact that you have or had cancer in a waiting room full of heads covered with hats, scarves and eyes that surely have a story. So now, more unchartered waters, wrong choice of words, ginger ale please. My prayer is for continued restoration, recovery and relief. For my organs to be protected, especially my heart (Herceptin main side effect), no damage done to good cells, for no numbness in my hands and feet (taxol), for my mind, for strength in daily activities. I am beginning physical therapy on Monday- to regain strength in my arms. I am excited to now be a patient at Therapy South, as well as an employee. Hopefully, that will enable me to begin to work again soon! I also have a follow up with my plastic surgeon after therapy. I guess I have updated you and hated to miss a few days of writing- I love hearing from you so send me your verse for the day or story of the day, you just don't know how much it lifts my spirits and keeps me fighting in the war...I heard someone say cancer is not a battle, it's a war!
And Happy Easter...we have dyed our 3 dozen eggs (none have been hidden, maybe they are getting a little old for that??) Abby got her cast off on Monday-hooray and Luke's T-ball team, the Riverdogs won their game today! I am excited to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus tomorrow, although I celebrate it every day...HE IS RISEN! Jeff is grilling hamburgers for dinner and then we are off to bed for the Easter Bunny to come to our house. Enjoy your night! Read Matthew 10."It is good for me that I have been afflicted." Psalm 119:71 Blessings, Suzanne

Day#76 Never take life for granted
Blessings,
Suzanne

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