31 Days of Pink: Children and A Cancer Diagnosis, Part 2

"See I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."

Isaiah 49:16

Then and Now..Left is Easter 2009, Right is February 2014..both are so funny to me!

As I write this post today, I have a full heart from my day of reflection yesterday. It took me the entire day to get that post about my children written (Abby). I guess it has been a while since I allowed myself to remember so deep, the fact that I was unable to care for my babies and no matter how bad I felt, I just wanted to make sure they were "occupied." God provided above and beyond what I could have imagined. Needs were met every single day. And he protected me in the beginning days from knowing exactly what Abby and Luke were going through. You see they were His children before they were mine and Jeff's children! He had them in His hands all along.  So today I will talk about Luke's perspective as a five year old along and continue with more of Abby's book.

Waiting before a Visit
I didn't know better, so I pass this nugget of wisdom on to those that are diagnosed with cancer. I wanted both children to be at the hospital the afternoon after my surgery. I had built it up for them, saying they could come see me and I would be a little sick, but would only have to stay two nights. This was more for me, not them. I had just come out of a five hour surgery, was white as a ghost with IVs and tubes and my little boy was scared to death. I am sure Abby felt the same. My Mom picked up on it and took them home after a short while. So, I would advise waiting a day or so to come for a visit, if you have smaller children.  

Let them be Kids
I made it very clear that I did not want anyone to tell my children they had to take care of me. I wanted them to be kids and not have to step into a caregiver role. For the most part, that happened, with the help of so, so many who were here in town, in the neighborhood, from the church, from the school, from work, from out of town, an outpouring of love like I had never seen before.  This was probably their best memories of that season...always having new people over to "play" with them or take them places. 

We were so blessed with food for about six months and thereafter!

School
Luke was in kindergarten and Abby was in third grade. I went and talked with the counselor and their teachers to tell her what was going on. Abby was not so excited that she got called to the counselor, Luke I think probably enjoyed it.  I was talking to one of teachers about three years later and she told me that Luke would come in crying and have to sit in the hall for a little while on some mornings. And actually they were all crying. Oh dear Jesus, thank you for that He protecting me from knowing this at the time, and for these very loving people surrounding my son.  

I did go to parties and field trips, I just had to have my own driver and chaperone. If it meant I slept the entire day, before and after, to have the strength to go, that is what I did.

Their faith grew
Luke was just so little and yet he would come up to me in the bed and say with that raspy little voice, "do you need water, Mommy?" and hold the straw up my mouth, nearly choking me but so attentive. Then in the next minute, he would spout off something like "I prayed for you on the playground today" and run off to play with his friends. He and Abby both knew that God was my source of strength. Atleast, I hope and pray that even in my weak state, I modeled that Jesus Christ was my Healer and the surgery and medicine helped too. They seemed to like to hear that. Don't we all...He has to come first! We went as a family several times to the altar at our church. That was a sweet memory of total reliance on God for what we could not do ourselves. And no, this was not a picture perfect time for our family, it was a mess, it was hard, (as Abby said) and it was exhausting, but today, we are still intact, all Glory to God.

Missing Mommy

I will say that I began to embrace the fact that I could do nothing (and I mean zero, zilch) but just be present with my children. I could actually sit (or lay) and watch TV with them without running to throw clothes in the dryer or start dinner, talk on the phone. I looked at each one of their papers that were stacked up and got them to tell me about them. I watched them play video games. The thing is I just wanted to be where they were. It was quite a game changer from the hectic, cleaning everything in sight, saying "just a minute" while I multi-task and then the minute never comes kinda life I was living. Still, it was different. I was not the Mommy they knew just a few weeks earlier. So, I think it is safe to say, give yourself and your children a break when it comes to adjustments. 

They were missing Mommy

Can Cancer Come Back, Mommy?
One of Luke's concerns as a five year old and really until he was about seven, was if the cancer could come back. He would ask me quite often and I got to where I would say the same thing "yes and we are believing God that mine will not, if it does He will take care of us, just like He did this time." I am glad the question seldom comes up anymore or. Abby was a little more quiet about it and I decided to  bring up the word "recurrence" with her. Just to zap any fears that she may be dealing with after my treatment was over. We had a sweet moment  where we both said "So be it" at the same time (which means Amen), while discussing what the word meant and then just looked at each other and said "well okay, that's that."

And believe it or not, most of this was before chemotherapy treatments started, so there will be more on how cancer effects the children coming soon!

On day five, I want to honor Susan Richardson who I have known all my life..is a very close family friend, eight year breast cancer survivor and very active with the Young Survivor's Coalition! She always has a positive message and is so full of life! I love you dearly, Susan...you have been such a great support to me all my life and especially I remember your visit after that yucky second chemo treatment! You have changed so many lives with all the hours you volunteer and take time to encourage others! Celebrating your Victory over breast cancer! 

Blessings, 
Suzanne

"They confronted me in the day of my calamity; but the Lord was my support."
Psalm 18:18