Get Your House in Order: Trust More Doubt Less

"For I am the Lord, I change not."
Malachi 3:6

September 2014, Walker's Birthday Party

As Dad and I left the hospital yesterday and went our separate ways, I told him I felt like we were at Six Flags, except these roller coasters were not exactly fun. Every day has been a change. All day Monday I just kept saying "I don't feel good about this, yet she is getting good reports, she is progressing, I can't explain it, I just feel uneasy." I prayed. I worked.  I consulted with friends. I had dinner with my family and went straight to bed at 7:45! But the feeling never left.  Mom sounded so good on our bedtime call that I started to allow doubt to creep in. Why was I uneasy when everything looks and sounds great? I was happy with the good news, but something was not right. 

The schools were delayed on Tuesday and I slept until 6:45 (never, ever do that). And eleven hours of sleep, what a blessing, I was exhausted. I called the MICU nurse expecting to get a "she did great." But what she said was "she didn't sleep much, she has another issue going on, we are waiting on a surgical consult. She said you would be calling and to fill  you in." THERE IT WAS, THE DISCERNMENT I FELT SO STRONGLY IN MY SPIRIT. I jumped in high gear, got ready and out the door.  I was already scheduled to work at the hospital, so I went by to see Mom first.

By the time I got there, they had her pain under control and she was quite the comedian on morphine. But as she described what she had been through the night before it was all I could do not to run out the door and cry. Eleven hours of sleep helped me to be of more solid ground:)  She has had a complication occur from her diverticulitis attack several years ago and will require surgery on her colon in about a month.She had a scope done today which confirmed it and she did not have infection which is great news. Our prayer is that she can withstand the time in between surgery, pain free and without infection. I wanted to wait until I had her full permission to disclose the further information. But we agreed that the prayer so far has brought about the many miracles she has experienced. God is so faithful!!! So, yes, we have had another hurdle but she is breathing normal, heart normal and she is in a room that she calls her "broom closet" (cracks me up)! 

This taught me to trust more and doubt less. Every single detail about this past week and a half has passed through God's hand's first. It has felt overwhelming at times. It has changed quite often. The beautiful thing of it all is the Lord does not change. Ever. We certainly have never been in a situation like this and I have never seen Mom handle it with as much grace as this time. As sick as she has been, she has been very peaceful. One more thing on my heart about Bren tonight... As I was talking with her on the phone, she  was thanking the food service lady getting her tray and then came back to me and said "she and her Mom both work here, I have met both of them while I have been here." She cares about people and always makes a point to talk to them and try and make them feel special. I love that about her.

Day#49 Focus on Trusting more and doubting less
Blessings,
Suzanne




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